-Help answer the questions on the board:
Why don't we/you fully open up to others?
What are the dangers?
Are these two the same?
-Come up with two more questions (and start exploring those).
Mr. Slater
Use this space to engage with our texts, with each other, and with your confusion.
115:
ReplyDelete"The time comes when it can't be be said; one's too shy to say it"
120:
"And there is a dignity in people; a solitude; even between husband and wife a gulf; and that one must respect, thought Clarissa, watching him open the door; for one would not part with it oneself, or take it, against his will, from one's husband, without losing one's independence, one's self-respect-something, after all, priceless."
The first quote discusses more the reason why we can't open up to others. While the second quote talks about the results of opening yourself up. The first, although short, embodies perfectly the fear that all humans face as they attempt to open themselves up. the second quote talks about what we loose when we merge with others. We loose our ideas and personal morals.
Questions:
What is oru biggest fear of merging?
what do we value most about ourselves?
"And they went further and further from her, being attached to her by a thin thread... which would stretch and stretch, get thinner and thinner as they walked across London" (112).
ReplyDelete"And there is a dignity in people; a solitude; even between husband and wife a gulf; and that one must respect, thought Clarissa, watching him open the door; for one would no part with it oneself, or take it, against his will, from one's husband, without losing one's independence, one's self-respect --something, after all, priceless.
The first quote shows that we don't fully open ourselves up to others because we are afraid of being stretched across the world. We are timid to the outcome of our "deepest secrets" and personal thoughts/emotions being spread around. The reason we open up in the first place is to let go of stress and built up emotions/thoughts that we feel others can relieve us of. The danger of us opening up is the downfall that others feel compelled to share, what we have opened up to them about, to others. I think that this quote helps to show that these two questions are not necessarily the same but they come hand-in-hand. When answering one the other is automatically answered.
The second quote also shows that we don't fully open up to people, but this time it is through the fact that we want to stay to ourselves. We are content with keepiong our thoughts/emotions to ourselves rather than risking the outcome of others breaking our trust. The danger in this quote is not that we fear opening up to someone, like our husband, but instead we fear trust being broken and emotions being toiled with.
The quote that I found on page 116 says, ";all of which he considered, could be seen considering, grey, dogged, dapper, clean, as he walked across the Park to tell his wife that he loved her". This quote shows how he feels and how much he opened up. He walked all the way across the park just to tell her he loved her. He then says that "it is a thousand pities never to say what one feels", so in this case he opened up.
ReplyDeleteIn our society today, is one really scared to open up and would rather feel pity for never saying what he really feels?
I think that one of the main reasons that we do not open up fully to people is because of our fear of rejection or our fear of being judged. Like in the quote on page 120, Virgina Woolfe writes, "there is a dignity in people; a solitude; even between husband and wife" meaning that people do not fully open up because they have a sense of dignity. Opening up could essentially mean becoming vounerable to the person you are opening up to. To Woolfe, that can show a loss in dignity or pride, especially if that person were to spill whatever you told them. She then goes on to say that have self respect is priceless. This is because no matter what, if you don't respect yourself then who will?
ReplyDeleteShe also talks about staying closed off on the top of page 142. Woolfe says, "real things are too exciting" meaning that our minds cannot take the real thing. Dickinson also thinks that the mind cannot handle "the truth" so to say.
What has happened in the past for people to think that we cannot handle these types of things and that we are not capable of handeling what life has to fully offer?
We don't fully open up to other because we are to shy and untrustworthy of those who we consider opening up with. "The time comes when it can't be said, one's too shy to say it". This is not only saying we don't open up to others because we are too shy, but they are lines certian people won't cross, and these limits vary between individuals. In the other quote, it states "he began, very cautiously, to open his eyes, to see whether a gramophone was really there. But real things - real things were to exciting. He must be cautious. He would not go mad." Essentially, Mr. Filmer doesn't fully trust Rezia. Trying not to be let down by Rezia's questionable statement, he began to open his eyes cautiously. He was afraid of failure. As stated, real things were very exciting, which means if he completely opened himself up, and there was no gramophone, the disappointment would be great.
ReplyDelete"For he never gave Clarissa presents, except for a bracelet two or three years ago, which had not been a success. She never wore it. It pained him to remember that she never wore it"(114)
ReplyDeleteThis is a different example of opening or closing your emotions off to others. When most people think of closing emotions off to others we think of sadness and anger and personal thoughts that we keep from those that we are not comfortable sharing them with. Richard Dalloway gave Clarissa one gift, and remembers only that she never wore it. It hurts him even to think that she never wore the only gift that he took the time to give her. To me, things like this are not worth getting upset over. I find that Richard is closing himself more off to the thought of her not caring about his own efforts in the relationship compared to just how he feels about her not wearing a gift he once bought her. The danger in closing these emotions off, in this situation, is that there can be no progress in their relationship if these minor, yet, seemingly, important issues are not brought to attention.
"The time comes when it can't be said; one's too shy to say it."(115)
I beleive that there does come a point when somebody can completely open up. Opening up fully is something that can truly show weakness. There seems to be a universal understanding that expressing sadness and anger and other emotions show weakness. Why would we ever show somebody that we have weaknesses? We might be too shy to share our feelings with others, but the way people judge these feelings is the reason for it.
This is the worst thing I have possibly ever heard... everyone in this class has suffered from your comment
DeleteOne quote that I found was “here he was walking across London to say to Clarissa in so many words that he loved her. Which one never does say, he thought. Partly one’s lazy; partly one’s shy” (115). Here, some of the reasons behind why we don’t fully open ourselves up to others are laid out. The idea that one is too lazy doesn’t seem like too great of a reason to be closed off, but in reality this is a very valid reason. Sometimes, people do not want to go through the hassle of having to tell someone everything that is on their mind, and because of this, they remain closed off from everyone. The idea of being shy is similar to one being too lazy, but it is also different. I remember that when I was little, I had a hard time opening up to people because I was shy. Another quote that is interesting is “and there is a dignity in people; a solitude; even between husband and wife a gulf; and that one must respect, though Clarissa, watching him open the door… without losing one’s independence, one’s self-respect- something, after all, priceless” (120) This shows that people do not open up ourselves because we fear that by doing so, we will lose some of our independence. The danger of losing you independence is the loss of your own self-respect, and for many people this idea is frightening. My question is why do we feel like we lose our independence when we open ourselves up?
ReplyDeleteSeptimus Warren Smith opens up, perhaps too much to the point where he is Schizophrenic. "Fear no more, says the heart in the body; fear no more" (139). Septimus no longer fears the consequences of opening himself up because he does not fear anything no that his darkest days are behind him.
ReplyDelete"He began, very cautiously, to open his eyes, to see whether a gramophone was really there. But real things - real things were too exciting. He must be cautious. He must not go mad" (142). Septimus, a victim of post-dramatic stress disorder, believes that real things are too exciting. This lead me to ponder, (QUESTION!) "Are real things that Septimus describes more "closed" or "open?"